I'm Not Really Here by Gary Lonesborough

Author:Gary Lonesborough [Gary Lonesborough]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2024-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

It’s like a tsunami of relief through my body when the final siren sounds to end the school day – I’ll be hanging out with Harley soon.

I start up the hill towards the primary school. My increasingly sore leg is the least of my problems, because I’m beginning to sweat and I’m quickly running out of breath the further I climb.

When I arrive at the primary school, Miss Tate is smiling as always. She hands Zeke and Luke to me and they’re in the midst of a disagreement over which type of apple is better.

‘The green ones are the best. There’s no competition,’ Zeke says.

‘No, the Pink Lady apples taste better because of the red on their skin,’ Luke argues back.

‘The skin colour has nothing to do with taste,’ Zeke says. ‘The green ones have sweeter juice.’

‘All apples are good,’ I say, as I walk them out of the gates.

We turn down the hill and Zeke kicks rocks along the side of the road. The sun feels warmer now than it has all day.

My thoughts are running wild. I’m nervous. I haven’t had someone stay over before. I don’t know how to host someone. What if Harley hates our house? What if he’s really disappointed and decides to leave?

When we arrive home, Zeke and Luke rush to the TV while I hit the shower.

I swear I’m still sweating after I get out and dry myself. I put my school clothes in the laundry and change into a shirt and sweatpants. I check over my room, tidy my desk.

I hear a car pull up out the front. I hear the door close and then the knock at the door.

Harley’s here.

I take a deep breath, staring at myself in the mirror. I gaze over the belly bulging in the shirt, the two bumps where my man boobs are. I’m not attractive. I’m fat. I don’t look good enough for Harley. Even if he was interested, looking at myself, I don’t see anything worth falling for.

I head up the hallway. Zeke and Luke are playing Xbox in the living room. I open the front door and Harley’s holding his duffel bag over his shoulder, smiling.

‘Hey,’ I say.

‘Hey.’

Harley steps inside and Zeke and Luke have both turned their heads, their eyes narrowed at Harley.

‘Zeke, Luke, do you remember Harley from the barbecue? He’s staying over tonight.’

‘Hello,’ Zeke says. They pause their game and both come over to the front door. Zeke reaches out his hand and Harley shakes it.

‘Hi,’ Luke says, also shaking Harley’s hand. ‘You’re even taller than Jonah.’

‘Just a bit,’ Harley replies.

‘Do you play basketball?’ Luke asks.

‘Not all tall people play basketball, Luke,’ Zeke says.

‘I actually played when I was your age,’ Harley says. ‘I wasn’t any good, though.’

‘I want to play basketball, but Zeke says we’re too short.’

‘Short people can play basketball,’ Harley says. ‘And besides, in a few years, you’ll grow way taller. You might even grow taller than Jonah and me.’

I don’t know why, but hearing Harley talk to Luke makes my chest feel warm and fuzzy.

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